Phuket

Phuket is, in many ways, the Acapulco of Southeast Asia. You would have never heard of it had it not been such a huge tourist hotspot. The whole island is practically lined with beaches and those beaches are lined with beach resorts. Lots of tourists going in which means lots of money. I wanted to check it out mainly to see what all the fuss was about. Plus, it seemed fundamentally wrong to go through Thailand without seeing the pulsing core of the Andaman Coast.

By land you can only enter Phuket from the top. We wrapped around the Gulf of Phuket and landed in Phuket Town in the center of the island; a trip that took a modest 4 hours. However, it should be noted that for 3 hours of the ride, neither Adam nor I had a seat. Adam stood then sat on a hand rest. I sat on the stairs. The floor was hot and had an uncomfortable lined pattern etched into it. By the end of the trip I probably had grill marks on my ass. I already missed Malaysian buses.

It was sinfully hot in Phuket Town. Summer of Sam hot. We walked a good 20 minutes before arriving at our hotel. Thankfully it welcomed us in with a host of amenities and a few bonuses thrown in. It's always sweet, as a backpacker, when you pay for a dorm bed and the entire room ends up being completely empty. Pants. Off.

The entire first day, I unapologetically did nothing but revel in the pleasantries of the Phuket Backpacker's Hostel. Internet, Wifi, Skype, air-conditioned commons area, a huge DVD library. We met a Dutch guy named Bartjan whose face was frozen in a state of perpetual excitiement. His shirt had a picture of himself making the exact same face along with a link to his blog. That evening we went out to the night market in search of food, and managed to pick up a few more traveler along the way, one of which was Yasuhiro from back in Krabi. Nothing else noteworthy happened that night other than the fact that I tried every flavor of Fanta and got a stomachache.

Phuket Town kind of sucks. Well, there are no attractions there, but that's great because it's allowed it to become an oasis of cheap in the middle of an island that does everything but shake the fillings from your teeth to try and get your money.

Day 2 on the island. Time to see these world famous beaches. Adam set out before I did and we made haphazard plans to meet up "where the bus drops you off at the beach". So basically we never ended up meeting. We went to two entirely different beaches actually. Adam explored the shores of Kata while I went to the long, luxury hotel-lined sands of Karon. It sounded like he got the better deal. My beach was by no means lousy, it's just that after the spendour that was Raylay and the Perhentians, the long expanse of yellow sand that was Karon felt a little mundane. It was quite empty though, an unexpected surprise for Phuket, and I enjoyed a swim and a nap completely unbothered by touts and gleaming white flesh (other than my own). Actually, come to think of it, I remember spotting some guy sunbathing with his ass hanging out. Otherwise, a decent time.

To get out to the beach, I had to hop on a bus that cost a modest 30 baht. "Transportation figured out" I thought. Unfortunately, these buses stopped at 5, and when I ran for one and narrowly missed it, I had no idea that it was the last one of the day. As it rolled off, the tourists riding in the back watched me falter with blank expressions on their faces. Much like I don't like them, it seems they don't like me. We all don't like each other really. No one wants to share the paradise pie.

No one told me it was the last bus of course. I didn't figure that out until after I had waited a good 40 minutes. "That was definitely the last bus" I deduced. So it appeared that taking a taxi was the only other option. I let out a sigh of defeat and accosted the grinning men in the taxi stand. They knew they didn't need to hassle anyone for business anymore. The tables had turned. They sat and eagerly awaited me. "700 baht" said one, confidently. That's over 20 times the price of the bus. $21. I tried to haggle him down, but he knew that I was sewered and just smiled at me. It was these precise conditions that compelled me to hitchhike for the first time in my life. This taxi driver with a smug, shit-eating grin on his face, confident he fleeced another dippy tourist. I refused to be that dippy tourist. "Boy that's expensive" I said, "I guess I'll have to hitchhike". And off I went. The last thing he said to me was "600 baht!". Jackass.

So I walked to the edge of town and sheepishly stuck my thumb out. The problem with hitchhiking in Phuket is you keep getting those damn taxi drivers slowing down and expecting a fare from you. And they never say a price or even ask for money until AFTER the ride when they can charge whatever the hell they want. I would gesture them onwards. The first car that picked me up drove me only halfway. The man seemed terrified of me. My second ride dutifully took me back to town, as if he were fishing for some good karma later on down the road. The whole process took about an hour at the coat of free. My turn to wear the shit-eating grin.

That night Adam and I explored Phuket's sordid nightlife. It was loud, flashy and expensive. Some very disreputable people prowled the streets. Ruddy old white men, and I'll give you one guess as to what their companions looked like. It was a circus. Thankfully a handful of songthaews were ready to take us home at a moment's notice. I'll never forget the sight of Adam, completely exhausted, managing to fall asleep as the bus zipped around mountain corners, hurling him left and right.

So ended our Phuket experience. A solid B minus all in all. As a backpacker, I'm blessed with the freedom to hop on a bus and float wherever, without having to worry about bookings, itineraries or the real world. Perhaps if all I knew of Thailand came from the flashy brochures in a travel bureau in a suburban mall, I would be happy escaping to the far-flung island of "Foo-ket". But I'm young and unhindered, and it's best to continue on and see the rest of the world, and leave places like Phuket to those whose workaday lives impel them to appreciate it more.

No photos due to broken camera.