Once I got off, I was was hit with that old familiar problem. Where am I, where am I going and how do I get there? Again, the Lonely Planet would've come in handy. It took a while, but I managed to find a bus that took me close to the city center. As soon as I could, I hopped on a computer and loaded up my Lonely Planet PDFs that I had miraculously thrown on a thumb drive just before the trip started. Unfortunately I couldn't print anything off, but I did get my bearings slightly.
I walked into a place called Camille's only to discover that since being added to LP, the room rates had skyrocketed. No thanks. Guess I had to sniff out a place on my own. Bad news was, I was in the financial district of the city. Skyscrapers, fancy restaurants and, of course, fancy hotels. My prospects looked grim.
I was tired and hungry so I stopped off in this Western restaurant to eat and maybe ask a few locals for advice. Two Aussies were seated beside me having a one-sided conversation, so I asked them. One guy (the chatty one) sprung into action and pulled out his phone. He was a big, red-faced, Sports Illustrated-ish looking guy, about early 30s, and his zeal was a bit worrisome. I had mentioned that I wanted something cheap, so I figured that he would take that into consideration. After some brash, forceful talking, he said a room was reserved for me at a nearby four-star hotel for $20, a $10 discount. That is a great deal, but $20 a night is still a lot more than I'm used to spending. He kept driving home how great a deal it was and how he'd gone out of his way to get it for me, so I kind of got bullied into saying 'yes'. At that point however, I didn't care and just figured I'd find a really cheap place for the next night. But duder wasn't finished.
He seemed keen on walking me there directly and rushed out the door. I hadn't even paid my bill yet. In the minute he was gone, the other Australian whispered "Please, get him the hell away from me". The guy was a sociopath. He returned flustered. "What the hell man? Last time I do you a favor." I told him I wasn't ready to go yet. "If you don't want the room, then I just wasted my time with you. I got you a $10 discount, you could at least give me some respect." I had been giving him nothing but respect. Other patrons in the restaurant sat and watched this psychopath, in awe of his apparent imbalance. I paid my bill, thanked the dude for the 30th time, and took off.
It was frightening how the situation seemed to escalate from nothing and how disturbed the guy seemed to be. I was glad to be rid of him. I actually ended up going to the hotel too. I had no choice. Sure enough, when I arrived, I discovered that a reservation had been made for me. At least that loon made good on his promise.
The room, of course, was a palace compared to the places I'd been staying in. Lots of posh embellishments that seemed so utterly unnecessary. Glass bowl sink, Amazon shower head, hair dryer. I sighed and turned on the World Cup. I realized that I had a fair bit of laundry to do so I called up room service (first time having room service this whole trip by the way). A lady came to the door and presented me with a laundry menu. A dollar fr a T-shirt, two for pants, etc. Holy crap. I had my whole wardrobe to wash and I could not justify spending that kind of money. Another hard sigh. I sent the room service lady off.
So, at about 9:30 at night, I bundled all of my dirty clothes into a bag and set off to find SOMEWHERE to get them done. I had heard about a place called "Hump", not sure how, but I nonetheless set out in the general direction of where it was supposed to be.
On my way there, it started to rain. I must have looked like the saddest thing ever; walking in the rain, holding a garbage bag filled with clothes. Some ladies working at a restaurant took pity on me and let me hang out inside until it cleared up. Eventually I found the place. It was exactly what I was looking for. Cheap beds, laundry, Internet. They were perplexed as to why I was bringing in laundry when I didn't have a room, so I booked one for the following night.
On my way back, I passed the crazy jackass who got me the room. "Did you find the place?" he asked. "Yes" I replied without breaking my stride. North Korea had just started playing Brazil when I got to sleep.
Next morning I woke up and peaced the pricey place out. The walk to Hump wasn't as bad, since I was less 3 kilos of laundry. Hump itself was great. Got a bed, locked my stuff up and ate breakfast. My laundry was finished too, so finally, for the first time since Ha Long Bay, I had both a full set of clothes and a comfortable place to lay my head.
I did a lot that day. It was a perfect day to get a lot done really. Kunming lies at an elevation of around 2000 meters above sea level, so the climate was absolutely beautiful. 23 degrees, partly cloudy, no humidity, and the sky was the shade of blue that you rarely get to see down at sea level. I finally found a place that would print off PDFs, then assembled my own Lonely Planet in a newly-purchased notebook. Saw two huge pagodas. A lively, flower-adorned square sat just outside of the guesthouse, and, beyond that, a bustling promenade and shopping district. The city was buzzing like you'd expect for a place with a population of 5 million people. Saw a bird market with all kinds of caged creatures. A mosque. Stopped in an arcade to play some old 32-bit shoot 'em ups. It seemed like the day would never end. Eventually, however, the sun went down.
After dinner, I set out to try and find some entertainment and came across a roller-disco. I was completely alone, and it was totally one of those situations where it would have been AMAZING to strap on some skates with a buddy, but no matter, I still went inside. After all, I can't predict when I'll run into another roller-disco again. For $2, a got a pair of skates and set out around the track.
Red and blue lights flashed and Chinese pop music blared from the sound system. Hot shots with Manga hair and all but two buttons undone on their shirts hot-dogged for the ladies, occasionally crashing into the more conservative skaters. Girls in miniskirts cracked the whip. I had never roller skated in my life, so I busted out the old hockey skills and before long, I was able to Steve Yzerman my way around the stampede. No one was wearing helmets of course, and there were some pretty crazy collisions. No lost teeth thankfully. Some young dude was absolutely stunned that a foreigner was there and kept saying "hello!" to me in that "I know an English word!" way. After an hour, I was hot-dogging pretty good, and I didn't fall once, so I decided to quit while I was ahead. I arrived back in Hump drenched in sweat.
Much later in the evening, I met a guy named Patrick from Ireland and his girlfriend Jessica from Hong Kong. They told me the Yuanyang rice terraces were not worth the effort, which put my mind at ease. Later we were joined by a girl from San Francisco. She was cute, but my god, she had no clue about anything. She thought that Ireland was part of the UK, then thought that Canadians could travel, work and live in the UK and Australia without passports. Patrick and I took mild pleasure in correcting her and watching her face twist in confusion. Everyone went to bed soon after.
Next morning I packed up. My next destination was Dali. I had maybe a fleeting interest, but I strategically planned on meeting my buddy Sanjay in Lijiang on the 20th, which meant I had two days to kill. Maybe Dali would be fun, who knows. Before leaving, I grabbed a bunch of flyers for guesthouses in places I intended to visit. With these and my makeshift Lonely Planet, I was back on track. Caught a local bus to the station and rolled out in a timely manner. Kunming was excellent. Great weather, great guesthouse, great food, roller disco and arcades... China had redeemed itself.
West Pagoda, taken from the East Pagoda.
Statues in public places.
The busy financial district provides most of the skyline just a few kilometers east.
A busy crosswalk leads to the central promenade just outside my door.
Some pretty flowers. Finally, a metropolis that isn't a big, stinky city.
Domino Roller Disco. This was a one-second exposure, so it looks empty, but really, everyone is zipping by at high speed!
The view from the Hump balcony.
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